The Death of Me

During my recent trip (May/June 2017) to Europe I felt myself processing deeply. In a new environment and away from my daily responsibilities, I was being triggered by a variety of new experiences. Luckily I see triggers as a gift, a sign to let me know there is something blocking me, something old to let go of, a wound of sorts. As I delved into each of these, more would come up to be released. I was deeply grateful that everything that was leaving was doing so rather quickly and gracefully (for the most part, LOL!). Some of the triggers were new to me, things I had not realized in my everyday life. Some were old ones I thought I had shifted. So as I had 2 weeks of quiet days I got to observe, feel, experience and release much of the old. I had brought along a great deal of paperwork to do, website updates, accounting, etc., all things more challenging to do between client appointments. I had assumed these 2 weeks were the perfect time to "catch up" on these tasks. Well, the Universe and my Higher Self had another idea!

At the end of the two weeks we were driving to Italy for my weekend workshop and private appointments. I sat in the car, filled with sadness and grief. I knew in that moment that I could easily leave the planet and return "home" to Source. I said out loud, "I feel like I could die right now." The silence echoed through both my Beingness and the car until a hand reached out to connect with me. Watching and feeling the emotions of grief, suicide, death, sadness and more sadness move through me was challenging. I knew it was old as in my current "3D" life I am happier, healthier and more content than I have ever been! Right now I have so very much to live for, to experience and to contribute. So I asked what was happening to me and I heard inside my heart "the old you is dying". I was told there was much to release and the intention was for it to be completed in 10 days before I stepped back on a plane to return to Canada. At the time they did not tell me this was so I could begin the next layer of death!

I must say I was surprised. I have been on my conscious journey for over 15 years now and done lots and lots of very deep work on myself and with the help of other teachers, healers and friends. I was not surprised I had more to release, trust me! I was surprised by calling it a death and all this meant. To me death is the ultimate "letting go". So my death would not be my physical death but rather the death of everything else within me. Old thoughts, old beliefs, old wounds, old energies and more. AND all of this was going to happen as I lead a 3-day workshop and then did a few days of private sessions with clients! Really? What were my Guides thinking? LOL!

I must say how blessed I feel as I was able to move through these 10 days as if all was "normal". I was tired, very tired, but if they had not spoken to me about what was happening, I do not know that I would have realized the depth of it all. Of course, without the support of the loving beings around me at the time it would not have been possible.

As I arrive home to Canada, I have spent my first 10 days at home processing more. I have lain on my couch, allowing and hanging out in my garden. I am grateful for the support people around me as they have all assisted me as more releases. I know I am coming to the very core old beliefs I have held for lifetimes. Some of these I have know consciously but others were unknown to me. Beliefs such as I am alone, no one will love all of me, I must give to receive, fear of living (not dying), fear of failure and more.

What does life look like after this next stage of releasing completes? Who am I? What steps do I want to make in this world? How do I best assist the transition we are all going through right now? How do I really want to spend my time and are all the little "life" tasks really important or do I do them out of habit? How do I be the very best ME? How do I focus on living and being in the present moment when I have always been a "planner"? How do I open my heart and love with all of my being without expectations? How do I honour myself, my contracts, my divine service, my friends, my clients and my love?

I do not know where my death will take me but I do know it is place, a time, a space and a vibration that my heart yearns to be.

For those of you also experiencing your own deaths, please be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself the time to process. Drink lots of water and try to eat as healthily as possible. Be in nature and get lots of sleep and epsom salt baths. Get a massage, work with a healer and listen to your Higher Self and Guides. Write in your journal. Most importantly, breathe!

Know all of this is a process that will fill you with more Light and bring you into the beauty and fullness of You on the other end.

Ana-La-Rai